After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He passed out mid-signature
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
