he puts the penis in happiness.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
