Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
