Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
