The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
