I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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