Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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