normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
