i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
