i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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