Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
