I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
