Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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