so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Even my vagina gasped.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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