either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
