I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
