My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
