If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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