We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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