I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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