i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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