Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
