Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
