Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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