I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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