I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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