The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
