I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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