Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
