Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
