I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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