i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
