Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
