Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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