ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
