one might say we're banned from that church
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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