so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
they're like a gay fantastic four
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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