I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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