jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
