I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
