How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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