I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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