She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
