im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
