But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
