did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
