I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
