dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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