i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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