Sry I called you an 8
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
