Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
