she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
