shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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