dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
