Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
