Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
