apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
