Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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