we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I looked at my own cervix.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Randomize