My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
