So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
