she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
