Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
