Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
