No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
