I could make wine with my vomit
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Someone came in the potted fern
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
