im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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